6 ways to deal with big egos

There are two things you must not do when dealing with a player who thinks they know it all:

1. Do not change them.

2. Do not get rid of them.

Instead, modify your own behaviour to deal with the problem. This is not weak leadership. It is inspired leadership because you are in control and so guiding the individual, not the other way around.

Attack the problem, not the person. This means the focus is far more positive. You are dealing with the cause of the difficulties and not the consequences.

Control your emotions so you do not become personally attached to the problem. If a person chooses to act in a certain way, blaming yourself will reduce your emotional strength and your enjoyment and enthusiasm for coaching.

One way of putting yourself in the right frame of mind is to remember: “Players will let you down one day, so take delight in every positive thing they do.”

So remember these six ideas when dealing with the ego to keep you and your player in the game and in the team.

01 – Understand the roots

Try to discover the reasons for this player’s behaviour. You can then start to understand what sort of buttons to press.

It may because they have a domineering influence in their life like a parent or successful sibling. It could be because there are pressures from their work or college life which impact on their attitude.

If you understand why they have an “ego”, it’s easier to know what language to use and when you need to address the situation.

02 – Acknowledge their expertise

Most big ego players have got something worthwhile to say, so do make use of this to help them maintain their self esteem.

03 – Re-establish the coaching ground rules

The best coaching environment makes sure players know what works for everyone. You will have set out some ground rules for when, where and what players comment on, so it makes sense to remind all the players of this. The big ego player can see where he fits into this environment and perhaps curb some of his more excessive attitude.

04 – Reinforce and reward the right behaviour

Help reshape ego-orientated behaviour by recognising the times when the player acts in a way that is not ego-based. Reward with the right behaviour with praise and reinforce the benefits of such behaviour. For example, a team-orientated action or comment would gain complimentary words.

05 – Don’t tell them they are wrong

It is better not to directly criticise the big ego player’s thoughts, even if they are contradicting the method you want to employ. Try using misdirection tactics, such as saying “In my experience…” or “That would work for us when we have managed to perfect this tactic or exercise first”.

06 – “Let’s hear from others”

Don’t be afraid to force the dialogue away from the big ego player when you are asking for comments. Sometimes it might be worth using direct questioning to make sure others have a say. Let others have the first and last word in any discussion, though allow the ego player to comment in the middle.