Being authentic, player relationships and 'why?'

As an active coach for 10 years, I have been fortunate to work within several high-performing environments and across many levels within the grassroots game.

Throughout my journey so far, I have learned harsh lessons, managed both success and failure, and, most importantly, engaged in regular periods of self-reflection. 

This ensures that, in a rugby world full of chaos, I remain authentic and continually revisit some of the most impactful lessons I have learned. 

As a coach, it’s easy to feel like an imposter. You can let authenticity be clouded by ever-changing sessions or YouTube-taught small-sided games. It can make you step out of the role of coach, and into that of a facilitator, all while feeling the pressure to drive your team forward.

This is something I did for years: I avoided the “why?”, stepped away from the details and shied away from feedback, knowing it would highlight questions to which I didn’t have the answers.

Here are the three key lessons that I have learned...

Authenticity and vulnerability

I have found strength in becoming more vulnerable.

It is simple: Take the first step and show a glimpse of weakness by asking a player what they thought of a session, and what they believed the focus was. 

A mentor once told me that, when it comes to questioning session design and assessing whether you hit your focus, “players don’t know what they don’t know.” 

This new perspective allowed me the space to ask players specific questions, seek answers, and engage in meaningful self-reflection. It arms me with detail and accuracy for when I step back onto the training pitch.

I’m now always allowing myself to be vulnerable.

I ask the players how they felt the session went, invite them in during key moments of the session to add to coaching points, and check for understanding within learning moments, to know whether, as a group, we can move on, or whether we need to explore a certain area more.

This not only helps to keep the team honest about their current progression, but also helps to keep me authentic with how I approach each session together.